I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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