We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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