I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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