I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
