i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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