i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
