This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
