Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize