Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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