do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
