idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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