So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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