I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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