any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The uberlube is also flammable
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
