Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
