Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
