Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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