ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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