Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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