You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
