He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
