Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
