Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
