Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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