I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
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