life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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