you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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