I faked an abortion last night.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
