so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
