Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
