But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
