I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize