Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
