WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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