So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
