I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
