on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize