I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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