I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
