my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I party with great urgency now.
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