Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
