I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
