I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
