I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
