Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
