If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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