walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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