She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
