i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
