You made me cry and you don't even care
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
