Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
