After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
