Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
