smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
