Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
