Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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