If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize