There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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