I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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