I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize