Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
