Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize