to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
