it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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