i was rollin on her like bob the builder
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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